Regrets

I had to wait until we got at least one week into the new year before talking about it. At least that's my excuse. In the last month or so, there have been a lot of subtle changes to my life. As well as a few pretty obvious changes.

Technically, going from December 31st to January 1st is just like any other rotation of the Earth. It's just another Friday turning into Saturday. But the wonderful thing about January 1st is it gives you an excuse to take a look at your life and figure out what you want to keep and what you want to throw out. I think it might be a little easier if we could all just do that every single Friday. Take a look back at the week and say "Oh, eating out the last three days wasn't really a good idea. I need to take my lunch to work more" or "I really should have called her just to say hi, it's been so long" or even "I need to set aside more time to work on this project". Making improvements along the way would make New Years Resolutions a lot less intimidating and a LOT less easy to break.

I'm talking about all of this like I actually do it. I haven't quite mastered the sort of self-discipline needed to keep examine myself on a weekly basis and make necessary changes. But I've been thinking about self improvements a lot lately and I think that recognizing the need and setting a simple goal will be the key to getting a good start. I want to be able to sit back on December 31st, 2011 and think "this year was really productive".

One of the inspirations (or a kick in the ass, really) for this thinking was the passing of an extremely special person. Julia, the mother of my dad's girlfriend, was a grandmother to me the minute I met her. My own biological grandmother (and my last remaining grandparent) had passed away a few years before and I hadn't realized how much I missed having that relationship until Julia came into the picture. As cliche as it might sound, she was one of those people that left a permanent impression on you. Extremely insightful (to the point of almost reading your mind), opinionated (but always open to new ideas), funny, and just plain sharp. She would listen, understand, and advise. She was everything that I missed when Nonny passed away.

I let my life get in the way, though. I didn't call her as much as I should have. She would write me letters every once in a while and I never wrote back. I bought stationary, I had envelopes and stamps and no excuse for not writing back other than I let myself get distracted. When she passed, I was immediately filled with regret.

Regret is a nasty thing. I regret not keeping up with Julia more. I regret not visiting Nonny more. I regret not sticking to my diet and exercise plan (again). I regret not focusing on my artwork and learning in college. I regret not taking internships. I regret losing contact with old friends. I regret hurtful things I've done or said.

But regret doesn't get me anywhere. It won't bring back my grandmothers or make me lose weight or open doors to new careers. What it WILL do, though, is hopefully inspire me to stick to it.

January 1st is an excuse to purge those regrets and set new goals. So here is my to-do list for 2011:

1) Write at least one letter a month to two people.
2) Spend at least an hour a day sketching/painting/doing something generally artsy.
3) Open an Etsy shop.
4) Take my lunch to work at least 4 days a week.
5) Walk for 45 minutes at least 3 times a week.
6) Update this blog at least once a week.
7) Minimize regrets.

I'll stop it there for now. This post has been a little on the heavy side, and I need to step away.

But I think this is a good start.





(I do sort of regret making this post too long. Whoops!)

Scars

I've never been a fan of hot objects. I don't suppose anybody really is, come to think of it. Growing up, the gas stove always made me nervous because you never QUITE knew when it would ignite. There would be clicking and then bam! Fireball. I'm exaggerating, but everything's a little more dramatic with fire.

I managed to make it through the first 24.5 years of my life without getting anything worse than a sunburn. My first actual burn came courtesy of the oven in my apartment and an oven mitt that was apparently too short for my gorilla arms. I got a nice little second degree burn JUST above the end of the mitt while taking a cake out. The nurse I spoke to at work suggested getting some vitamin E gel capsules to help minimize scarring, but I found myself not really caring. In fact, I kind of want more scars.

I think scars are interesting. Obviously, each one has a story. It may not be the most interesting story, but who cares? I can tell you about how I burned myself on the oven while taking out a birthday cake for my roommate's little brother. Or how I had a bunionectomy on my left foot that involved breaking my toe in two places and pinning it back together, resulting in a three inch hook-shaped scar. Or about the time I took a metal-smithing class in college and apparently got a piece of jeweler's saw blade stuck in my watch band, which led to a small jagged scar on the inside of my wrist that MIGHT seem suspicious if people didn't already know I am and always have been a pretty positive person. A majority of the other scars I've collected are from my roommate's cat Kahlua.

All this came up because I happen to burn myself on a hot pan just the other day. That's two burns in the past six months! And it looks like it'll be leaving a nice scar as well. But I really don't mind.

I don't really want to get rid of any of my scars. I happen to like them.

You know, once the painful part is over.

What this is all about.

I've started a couple of other blogs in the past that I've never really kept up. I don't want to make another whiny blog. My life is pretty good. I know that may not be as interesting as bitching about everything under the sun but it's definitely a lot more therapeutic.

The term "looking at the world through rose-colored glasses" is usually reserved for somebody who is considered naive...sometimes foolish. The way I always understood, it's like somebody ignoring the harsh facts in favor of focusing on all the sunshine and rainbows in the world. That sort of thing. While I don't agree with ignoring the negative, I don't see anything wrong with focusing on the positive.

It's way too easy to complain. This blog is a challenge to myself to look at the world and my life through rose-colored retina. Glasses are just too easy to forget to put on.